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Every year since the dawn of stupidity, People Magazine has set aside its mandate to minutely detail the rich tapestry of minor celebrity to anoint a modern-day Lothario the "Sexiest Man Alive." The lucky recipients of this honor are know for their fame, boyish good looks and habit of turning up in the sweaty midnight dreams of lonely People staffers both male and female.

Every year since, MELVIN's editorial board has also named its "Sexiest Man"--a hunk of love fit to inhabit the fantasies of the sophisticated audience MELVIN tends to attract. But unlike People, which limits its choices to the callow media heroes of today, MELVIN magazine plumbs the depths of history for an individual worthy of becoming America's "Sexiest Man Dead."

This year, People's "Sexiest Man Alive" is Brad Pitt, a muscle- bound actor known for his smoldering glances and ability to portray murderous white trash with frightening believability.

MELVIN's "Sexiest Man Dead" is Thomas Jefferson, third President of the United States and star of Another 48hrs.

As a member of the First Continental Congress, Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence and led American patriots in their desperate fight against English tyranny.

As the star of North Dallas Forty, Jefferson battled injury and tyrannical coaches to lead his football team to victory over their fearsome opponents.

While an architect and plantation owner, Jefferson demonstrated his opposition to racial bigotry by fathering several children with his black slave mistress.

During a stint as a police detective, Jefferson overcame his dislike for a black felon in a period of only 48hrs. Yes, they had their share of fist fights, but as the team was beset by a series of life- threatening scrapes and hilarious cop hijinks, a grudging admiration developed.

In the course of his duties as the US Ambassador to France, Jefferson laid the groundwork for the Louisiana Purchase, opening up the frontier that came to define the American experience during the Nineteenth century.

As the star of "Jefferson In Paris," Jefferson portrayed the US Ambassador to France as he struggled to lay the groundwork for the Louisiana Purchase and open up the frontier which came to define the American experience during the Nineteenth century. For these reasons and more, we are proud to name Thomas Jefferson, philosopher, patriot and founding father, MELVIN's Sexiest Man Dead.

And to the many lonely Americans who have turned a second- rate celebrity rag like People into a vast publishing empire, we would like to point out the following painful fact:

You have a better chance of mating with a moldering corpse than getting in the pants of someone as attractive as Brad Pitt.

Inside This Issue