constipation-fighting power is not due to any advance in medicine, but to BLAST's driving ambition to succeed and tremendous work ethic. "With BLAST, we have a product that won't quit until it's the number one seller in the market," Henson declared, adding that while many laxatives will end constipation, only BLAST is willing to spend its free time greeting consumers and in swift, sudden moves, imbed suppositories deep within their colons. "Put quite simply, BLAST lives to purge, and at $4.95 a pop, that urge to purge is profitable indeed," Henson chuckled.
Beyond its constipation-fighting power, BLAST has been effective at combating societal blockages as well. BLAST's fast-acting formula has proven effective at resolving labor disputes, ending traffic jams and loosening the gridlock plaguing many parliamentary bodies. "While the recent wave of Republican victories certainly shook up Congress, it was BLAST's threat to jam a family pack of extra-strength laxatives up the butts of all 100 Senators that really got them moving," Henson stated. According to Henson, BLAST's next stop will be the former Yugoslavian Republic, where BLAST will administer a continuous stream of suppositories to the leaders of the various warring factions until the ethnic strife subsides.
Despite the publicity-generating charitable acts, the real proof of BLAST's success remains the thousands of everyday Americans BLAST has helped already. "I first encountered BLAST when it yanked my trousers down at the Hubbard street L-stop," Chicago native Burt McCall commented in a letter to Grocter and Pamble. "I was mad as first, but my poop chute's never felt better. Thanks BLAST."
