"All they served was beef, beef and more beef," Schaffley recalled as he perused Cock's trademarked Mile-High Menu. "Here at Cocks, we feature dishes like chicken a la king, with fresh, meaty mushrooms, the most succulent egg noodles, a cream sauce that's simply divine and big, full-bodied, muscular chunks of chicken. " Of course, Schaffley added with a wink and a nudge, Cocks is proud of it's beef as well.

Despite Cocks' penchant for employing only tall, handsome, well-endowed men, Schaffley denies that appearance or gender plays any role in the restaurant's hiring practices. Although company policy states that all waiters should be neat, clean "all-American" types, Schaffley maintains that the size of your smile is more important than the tent in your trousers when it comes to working for Cocks. As for the unusually large proportion of "gifted" young men working in Cocks' establishments, Schaffley can't explain it. "Cocks is an hot new restaurant that attracts handsome young applicants," Schaffley stated. "God saw fit to grace these people with good-looks. Should we turn them away just because He saw fit to grace them in other ways as well?"

"I especially loved your Fruit and Veggie Platter, with its ripe, sloping bananas and plump cucumbers dripping in creamy ranch dressing," one enthused woman wrote on her customer comment card.

Schaffley added that while Cocks is committed to hiring women, they are having trouble finding female applicants capable of bench-pressing the Cocks minimum standard of 250 pounds, or willing to engage in topless Greco-Roman grappling during happy hour. "Sure, we hire attractive personnel, just like all restaurants. And sure, most of them seem to be men," Schaffley stated. "But people come to Cocks for one thing and one thing only--great food."

Judging by the response from customers, Schaffley may well be right. Cocks across the nation are crowded breakfast, lunch and dinner with patrons lured by the family atmosphere and gourmet-quality food. "I especially loved your Fruit and Veggie Platter, with its ripe, sloping bananas and plump cucumbers dripping in creamy ranch dressing," one enthused woman wrote on her customer comment card. "And Mom simply feasted on your Beer Tender Loins."

Cocks is not without its critics, however. Many men, from college bachelors to happily-married husbands, report feeling intimidated and inadequate after dining at Cocks. William Credence, a computer programmer from Seattle, says that he prefers Hooters. "The whole point of Hooters is to let lonely guys like me take in some skin while avoiding the social taboos common to patronizing strip clubs. Dining on fine food and having an attractive woman at my beck and call makes me feel good," Credence stated as he casually pulled his entire forearm from the interior of his nose and wiped it under the table. "At Cocks, I get the impression that the women would rather be dating the hired help."

Several men's rights organizations have also accused Cocks of promoting steroid use among its waiters, which they claim are unhealthy and immoral except when used directly in a major league sport, like football. Fathers also seem disinclined to expose their young sons to the influence of the preening, seductively handsome male waiters.

By far the most prevalent complaint comes from men who refuse to patronize Cocks for fear of being perceived as gay. Hooters, they state, is a legitimate family restaurant where a dad can kick back, enjoy dinner, and educate sons of the finer aspects of the waitresses' ample charms. Derogatory remarks aimed at the waitresses elicit only a wrinkled nose and a cute giggle. Many content the same is not true at Cocks.

"Given today's social stigmas, if you insult one of the waiters at Cocks they're likely to beat the shit out of you," Hooters regular Jerry Bunker stated. "I don't think that's fair."