Boys on the Side
Warner Bros.

Don't waste your time, you've seen it before: hard times hit random women and they become best friends. The film is nothing more than a sappy chick flick, not to mention a blatant rip-off of Thelma and Louis and Fried Green Tomatoes. Still riding on her E.T. laurels, Drew Barrymore once again plays a giddy little girl lost in the body of a horny babe. Whoopi Goldberg, one of the most annoying personalities of our day, sucks, minus a few good lesbian jokes. And nothing will make you cringe as much as a live appearance by earthy whiners The Indigo Girls. Characters: flat; plot: unoriginal; direction: uninspired. Even the deathbed scene is identical to Tomatoes, right down to the ice cube, the chalky, immobile lips and the pasty complexion.

Ben Kenobi Amazing Movie Chain: Whoopi Goldberg-Ghost-Demi Moore-Blame It on Rio-Michael Caine-Hannah and Her Sisters-Carrie Fisher-STAR WARS-Obi Wan Kenobi

Immortal Beloved

Writer/director Bernard Rose received a lot of flak from critics about the historical inaccuracies in this film about Beethoven, but if you siphon through some of what these same critics are praising, also steeped in historical untruths ("Speechless" comes to mind), their fickleness is hard to reckon. The highly underrated Gary Oldman delivers yet another a dazzling performance-right down to his walk-of Ludwig Van Beethoven, a spunky virtuoso who could tickle the ivory with the best of 'em. While the love story of Immortal Beloved has that distinct Hollywood stench, the movie's celebration of a man who challenged, conformed to, and triumphed over the system and the music of his day is truly inspiring. See it for the score, if nothing else.

Ben Kenobi Amazing Movie Chain: Gary Oldman-Dracula-Anthony Hopkins-Mussolini-Susan Sarandon-Witches of Eastwick-Michelle Pfieffer-Russia House-Sean Connery-Hunt for Red October-James Earl Jones-STAR WARS-Obi Wan Kenobi

Billy Madison

At 45 minutes in length, the novelty of this flick would stick like spaghetti to the wall. At an hour and a half plus, the viewer loses interest in Adam Sandler's off the wall antics as he attempts to graduate from the 1st-12th grades to prove to his father that he can run his Fortune 500 company. The strengths of Billy Madison lie in it's ability to recognize itself as an insanely stupid and unrealistic movie and allow Sandler to act as insanely stupid as possible. Much of what Sandler and fellow SNL cohorts do is rather humorous, in the wedgie vein, but keep in mind: this movie has a restricted viewership. If you go to Merchant-Ivory films, think that television is corrupting the minds of America, or have trouble saying words like "poop," you have an official MELVIN warning not to go.

Ben Kenobi Amazing Movie Chain: Steve Buscemi-Miller's Crossing-John Turturro-Barton Fink-John Goodman-Flinstones-Rick Moranis-Ghostbusters-Dan Ackroyd-Temple of Doom-Harrison Ford-STAR WARS-Obi Wan Kenobi. Top that motha fucka!

Previous Film Reviews