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America's heartland is a virtual grab-bag of attractive tourist hotspots from Chicago's mighty Sears Tower to Chicago's mighty John Hancock Building. But though there are ample sites to see in the Midwest, its most attractive venues aren't in the windy city, but lay nestled between rows of corn in its rural communities. For only there can you find the unrivaled array of greasy spoon restaurants that serve some of the most satisfying, cholesterol-rich hangover food available anywhere. These family owned establishments offer an authenticity that no fast food chain could ever provide. Whether its their cafeteria scent, their grouty tile floors, or their spent waitresses, there's a plain-clothes hospitality that makes greasy spoon restaurants a national heritage as time-honored as cowboys, steam trains, and gummy bears.

MELVIN Operatives traveled coast to coast and sampled food from nearly every greasy spoon joint in the nation before compiling this report of three of our favorite finds. Ironically, all three locals fall within short distance of MELVIN Headquarters in Champaign, Illinois. Come with us inside the doors of theHomestretch, Merry Anne's, and Ott's and explore one of our nations great institutions.

On top of giving a general review of each restaurant, researchers at MELVIN Labs scientifically compiled a list of comparative facts about each that includes the number of gumball machines the place has, whether it has a visible grill, and whether the ashtray on the table was clean. Of course, when authenticity is the stamp of quality, the more unsophisticated a restaurant was, the more we liked it. We've also rated the restaurant in terms of hospitality (1-4 spoons, 4 being the highest) and quality of food (1-4 coffee cups, 4 being the highest).