News Too Weird to Fabricate
North Carolina State Rep. Henry Aldridge, 71, says women who are raped can't get pregnant, adding that during an attack, "The juices don't flow, the body functions don't work." Aldridge was trying to cut funding to state-sanctioned abortions and is also a dental specialist.
Although Jeffrey Baylis was acquitted for the '93 murder of Jim & I's Star Bar managers Paul Klein and Steven Fairfax, his plea of self-defense leaves something to be desired. He entered the Pueblo, Colorado, bar carrying an AK-47, a 9 mm handgun and four hand grenades.
Although the Citadel, an all-male military school in Charleston, South Carolina, is currently embroiled in a lawsuit against Shannon Faulkner, a 16-year-old woman trying to gain admission, their screening procedure needs a little work. Kristian Zoeller, a 16-year-old, 220-pound, high school football player from Newburyport, Massachusetts, was rejected for admission and notified that the school was for men only. Zoeller called lawyers at the school and assured them, "I am a guy, and I have all the right body parts."
According to his lawyer, David Peterson was perfectly justified in spanking his daughter in a Canadian parking lot after she slammed the door on her baby brother's fingers. Peterson is on trial for assault to his daughter after witnesses testified Peterson was angry, and yelling while he disciplined his daughter. The case was still being deliberated at press time.
After being on public display for the last four years, a live artillery shell dating back to WWII was removed from Robinson State Park in Chadron, Nebraska, by an explosive demolition team.
David Duke, 26, of Logan, Utah, didn't feel like taking a test at Utah State University. So, in the wake of the Oklahoma City bombing, he figured he'd get some leeway if he phoned in a bomb threat. He is currently on 18 months probation.
Environmentalists are now targeting beer as being potentially hazardous to the environment in San Antonio, Texas. At the annual Fiesta held at the beginning of May, federal environmental officials are cracking down on the dumping of beer foam. However, no comment has been made on the potential hazards of beer once it's gone through the kidneys of patrons at San Antonio's Fiesta.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology discovered that man-made lightning, which, at about 18,000 degrees Fahrenheit, melts whatever it touches, can easily transform toxic wastes into EPA certified-harmless glass blocks. The process costs quite a bit less than landfills and other disposal techniques.
In a testimonial that goes against the idea of a booming economy, Chicago will conduct a lottery to determine which 12 lucky people will be chosen out of 5000 applicants for 12 sewage treatment jobs. In addition to the $12.88 an hour perk, potential employees will get to bask in "unpleasant surroundings and ... very unpleasant odors."
In a recent interview with Gay/Lesbian rights magazine The Advocate, former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard and ex-Louisiana State Rep. David Duke said people with AIDS should be tattooed near their genitals, "maybe even with glow-in-the-dark ink."
Carvel ice cream store manager Fred Craig was protecting his Southington, Connecticut, heritage when he refused to comply with a customer's request. He refused to write "Feliz Cumpleaños" ("Happy Birthday" in Spanish) on a cake. Instead he told the customer, "This is America."
Other News
An abandoned building in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, is destined to become the Bratwurst Hall of Fame. Sporting a giant bronze fountain (shaped like a bratwurst), the museum will offer the public an in-depth history of the bratwurst they can't get anywhere else.
