Kangaroos are unquestionably the most dexterous, fleet-footed leapers
in the animal kingdom, so it's not surprising that it took scientists
until the early eighties to develop a shoe worthy of their name.
Kangaroos were at home on the dance floor or the dodge-ball court,
combining unparalleled comfort, sleek fashion and unprecedented
utility in the form of a Velcro pouch that was ideal for storing love
notes from your homeroom cutie. Today, a pair of 'Roos are perfect for
wowing the knickers off your retro friends, and above all, are
practical--perfect for sneaking an eighth of Lady Godiva past
eagle-eyed Lollapalooza security guards. Kangaroo Shoes have evolved
beyond the simple, sure-fit philosophy of competitors by offering
something more than comfort--the promise of a fine high.
With cigarettes the exclusive province of old men and biker chicks,
pipe smoking is a bit of an anachronism: a nicotine delivery system
that hints of elegance and sophistication rather than painful,
cancerous death. One pull of a cheap tobacco mix in a ninety-year-old
Peterson and your I.Q. seems to increase a point or two--a bowl full
of a stout Scottish blend sends it rocketing through the ceiling.
While newcomers often head straight for the cherry tobacco, a smart
connoisseur experiments with several diverse blends before settling on
one. Once you have become familiar with terms like "tamp," "cake" and
"pack," you're well on your way to a lifetime of fine smoking and
ever-more expensive paraphernalia. One final warning--a smoker is no
better than the pipe he or she smokes. While fine Sherlock Holmes
Meerschaum will lend you an air of Victorian sophistication, a Frosty
the Snowman Corncob will cause you to resemble a hog farmer.
The Nineties have seen a revolution in the beverage industry, with
fruit mixes, iced coffees and strangely-flavored water challenging
traditional colas and lemon-lime concoctions for industry dominance.
One of the few of the young guard that deserve to last are Nestea Ice
Teasers. Available in either lemon or orange, each Ice Teaser is a
pleasing blend of citrus and tea that is sweet and eminently drinkable
without ever being cloying. Although Ice Teasers are currently only
available as a mix, we can't wait for the day when we can grab a
refreshing bottle directly off the shelves of the local convenience
Nestea Ice Teasers
While Naughty Boy isn't the best beer in the world (although it is a
step above most Budweiser and Miller products), it certainly has the
world's best marketing campaign. Abandoning the traditional format of
cars, sports and boobs, each Naughty Boy advertisement is a witty
double entendre, reveling in the simple pleasures of grabbing your
"Naughty Boy" after a long day's work. Other beers hide subliminal
phallic symbols in their television, print and radio spots--Naughty
Boy cracks wise about palm-smacking masturbation. For us, this witty
respite from the legions of so-called "alternative" beers crowding the
market is reason enough to drink Naughty Boy by the case.
Naughty Boy Beer
Happy was the day that Mom felt your febrile forehead and instead of
prescribing that yucky pink liquid medicine, let you off with St.
Joseph Chewable Aspirin, the childhood treat that doubled as a pain
remedy. Seeing an opportunity to cash in on childhood nostalgia, St.
Joseph recently increased the dosage of its formula to create a
chewable aspirin for adults. Boasting "pure orange flavor," these
citrus morsels make Flintstone vitamins taste like vaguely medicinal
chalk. The adult pills still taste like candy, and at 25% of the
potency of regular-strength aspirin, you may as well eat them like
candy. On a cautionary note, prominent warnings on the label instruct
consumers not to exceed a dosage of 48 tablets in 24 hours (never mind
that there are only 36 tablets in the bottle). MELVIN consumer tip:
Keep a bottle of St. Joseph Adult Chewable Aspirin in your back pocket
as a handy safeguard against an untimely case of milk breath.
St. Joseph Adult Chewable Aspirin
Since the dawn of humankind, science has wrought scores of wondrous
creations, among them the wheel, the electric light bulb, the
automobile and the microchip. But none have impacted society with the
power of Nestle Magic Shell. Introduced in the early eighties, Magic
Shell empowered children across the globe, allowing them to create
miniature scientific miracles in their own ice cream bowls. Upon
touching a scoop of Rocky Road or Neapolitan ice cream, the space-age
Magic Shell transformed from a thick, gooey syrup to a edible,
protective coating that produced a resonant "bonk" when tapped with a
spoon. True, the bland, almost chalky flavor of the shell left
something to be desired, and an excessive dosage created a shell so
thick children were forced to mine for their ice cream, but who cared?
The joy, then as now, laid the fascinating journey from chocolate
sauce to impervious polymer. Magic Shell is available today at finer
Nestle Magic Shell