Reviews of Movies That Aren't As Good As Star Wars

Higher Learning


Much-ballyhooed Boys N' the Hood director John Singleton casts a bird's eye glace at prickly social issues through this treatment of three characters whose unrelated lives tangle. Though Singleton employs a creative parallel plot stucture for his character development, his inane race-conscious dialogue spoils much of its effect. To be fair, Singleton isn't wholly without talent, and the film takes many compelling snapshots of contemporary race issues. However, you might dizzy or become bored with its encyclopedic coverage of every possible vantage point. The film also retreats to some unfortunate stereotypes, such as that of the raped woman turned lesbian--a thrown-in character that ought to be thrown out.

Higher Learning is a stimulating film, but viewers will find themselves yearning for a stronger message delivered by a more talented director. Ben Kenobi Amazing Movie Chain: Lawrence Fishburn--APOCALYPSE NOW--Harrison Ford--STAR WARS--Obi-Wan Kenobi

Mixed Nuts


Even with a high-profile ensemble cast, which includes Steve Martin, Madeline Kahn, and Gary Shandling, Mixed Nuts is quite simply one of the worst films ever made in cinematic history. This movie evokes such loathing that it will force you to not only hate it, but to hate every movie each castmember ever made. Some especially painful moments included Madeline Kahn's rapping (she has so much life!), Steve Martin's dyed hair (what a wild and crazy guy!), and clumsily drawn Juliette Lewis/Virgin Mary parallels. Amid pathetic slapstick routines and numerous pointless jokes, only Adam Sandler offers the only temporary relief to the hemoroidal discomfort of Mixed Nuts. May the Lord Jesus make us forget that this cinematic debacle ever occurred.

Amazing Movie Chain: This film couldn't possibly boast any relationship to STAR WARS, the greatest film of all time.

Legends of the Fall


Although there are times when the length and melodrama of this film make you wish that a wild bear would devour Brad Pitt, female and male viewers alike will probably be sucked in by him as he goes screwing and battling his way through Montana. The antithesis of Little Women, Legends of the Fall relates the story of three brothers entering manhood and the woman they all come to love in different ways; spanning from innocence to companionship to hardcore fucking. A spine-tingling score and a brilliant recreation of a pure Montana both create a beautiful ambiance as boytoy Pitt battles wild animals, jealous brothers, and the mafia in a manhood fantasy tale. Pitt's body-fluid dripping performance is admirable, though it comes across as an extension of his character in past male-bonding flick, A River Runs Through It, as he plays another much-loved bad boy with something to prove to himself and to worrisome onlookers.

Amazing Movie Chain: Brad Pitt--Kalifornia--Juliette Lewis--Cape Fear--Robert De Niro--Presumed Innocent--Harrison Ford--STAR WARS--Ben Kenobi