MELVIN(R) is a satirical bi-weekly magazine published every other Monday exclusively over the World Wide Web. There are 24 issues of MELVIN(R) annually. MELVIN(R) uses invented names in all stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Operating revenue for MELVIN(R) is achieved solely through advertising sales. The content of this issue is (C)Copyright 1994, 1995 by New Media Publications, Inc., and may not be reprinted or reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Information regarding Writer's Guidelines, ultra-nifty MELVIN Merchandise, the MELVIN Listserve and MELVIN Advertising are available at the click of a button.

Honchos Rancheros:

French Kissed Alluring Camcorder...............Matt Nolker


Sat In Corner Giggling.........................Chris Klanac


Danced Like Spastic Monkey-Boy.................Aaron Miller, 
                                               Matt Scholz, 
                                               Jenni Spinner


Hounded By Obnoxious Drunks....................Steve Weintz


Frolicked In Taco Dip..........................Ron Menelli,                                                                    
                                               Sheri Steffes


Collapsed Face-First Onto Floor................Jo Sampolesi, 
                                               Dina Schenk,
                                               Eric Sizemore


Professed Love of Progressive Rock.............Brian Bruxvoort, 
                                               Tom Cornell


XYZ, PDQ!......................................Jason Hsu, 



"Tell 'Em How Many, Honey".....................Steve Aldrich,
                                               Jim Beckwith, 
                                               Emma Johnson,
                                               Anton Craig
                                               Dave Keugler,
                                               Allison Miller,
                                               Libor Michalak,
                                               Sasha Martens,
                                               Paul Primrose