Floor mat beatings are also available for a small fee.
Dvoraac says his ingenious 'Hectic Cleansing' idea was conceived when he was trying to connect the idea of a fantasy theme park with the joyous Serbian tradition of Christmas. 'I was sitting near to a bombed-out car by my house,' Dvoraac says in nearly perfect English, 'And I saw an old man, all dressed in red, crouched by the fender as if he polished it very well. And I thought, Santa giving car washes, what an idea. You can bet I had some chuckle later, when I realized the old man was not wearing red at all, but covered with blood!'
Dvoraac decided he needed a snappy name for his gala event and chose 'Hectic Cleansing' because it was a clever wordplay on 'Ethnic Cleansing,' a phrase describing the Serbian policy of government-granted Soap-on-a-Rope and Selsun-Blue samples for ethnic minorities. Dvoraac hopes his catchy phrase will draw hundreds of new potential customers to his business by triggering associations with the goodwill-to-men-and-peace-on-earth philosophy behind the 'Ethnic Cleansing' program. 'I have heard in the news about this other cleansing program,' comments Dvoraac. 'Many of my fellow Serbs have praised such a policy of having cleaner minorities. I hope they will be equally excited about my own policy for having cleaner automobiles.'
The Scrub and Squirt Fantasy Land Car Wash is the result of renovations on the Kriesczewski Enchanted Kwikwash which had stood on the same location since 1990. The Kriesczewski Enchanted Kwikwash was based on the mystical adventure-land of Serbian folk-hero Kriesczewski, the one-eyed boy raised in a mushroom patch who rewarded travelers by giving sponge-baths to their horses. Dvoraac says he realized the idea behind the Kriesczewski Enchanted Kwikwash was outdated after noticing first, that few Serbs knew who Kriesczewski was, and second, that many of the travelers who came to his establishment were not riding horses.
The 'Hectic Cleansing,' which kicked off at noon on Christmas Day, will run through the end of January. Closing ceremonies will be held on January 31st, beginning with a 5k fun run through the snowy streets of Bihac. Participants and spectators from the fun run will be able to enjoy fresh UN hardtack and piping-hot bowls of Serbian goulash at the finish line, listen to Wolf Blitzer read excerpts from The Night Before Christmas, and bask in the glow of distant explosions, all while they wait for their cars to be scrupulously scrubbed and waxed by flaxen-haired elves. The festival will then end in a solemn candlelight ceremony in which Serbian soldiers will fire a single shot through the head of a helpless Bosnian infant.
