MELVIN Front Page News    June 12 - June 25

"Oklahoma: Safe and Fun." We are so safe and fun that we even considered changing the motto to "Really Safe and Really Fun" until we realized the expense of updating all the official Oklahoma Board of Tourism calendars, mugs and bumper stickers which are available free of charge at rest stops all over the Sooner state. Still, we at the Oklahoma Board of Tourism think that the old motto adequately conveys the advantages of an Oklahoma vacationland destination -- come to Oklahoma if you want to be safe. Go to New York, Honolulu or Miami if you want to be shot in the gut until you die.

In spite of this chilling fact, few families chose to vacation in Sooner country. Last year, less than 10,683 satisfied vacationers shouted the age-old tourism battle cry "Okey-Dokey, Oklahoma -- Here we come" and pointed the wheels of their mobile home or RV towards Tusla and Oklahoma City. We are sure that those that did were impressed by our safe roads, solid, well-built hotels and lack of street crime. Not to mention all the fun.

Still, as the agency charged with drumming up some tourist traffic, we are more concerned with the folks that chose to vacation in other states or nations than those that actually come. That's why we commissioned a big opinion survey to find out why no one was showing up.

Lots of people said, "Hey, where in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is Oklahoma anyway?" Well, if you think of Texas as a big ol' bronco, bucking and a'snorting down in the Southwest, Oklahoma would be Texas's strapping, strong-armed bareback rider. When it comes to Texas, we Okies aim to tame. Straddling us on our northern border is Kansas -- just think of the Jayhawk state as Oklahoma's ten gallon hat. Hopefully, that will clear things up for all you hog farmers who didn't pay attention back in map class.

Other folks, who probably already know how to use a map, wanted to know what there was to do in Oklahoma. Rest assured, the choices are endless. On any night of the week, a person could chose to have a beer at the local bar, take in a first run movie or just drive around. In the summer months, there's softball in the city parks, high stakes wagering on the Indian reservations and countless high school, junior college and community renditions of "Oklahoma," an enjoyable musical inspired by the Sooner state. As you can see, there's plenty to do in Oklahoma.

Some people cited more specific reasons for not coming. A bunch of folks said they were using their vacation to drop in on relatives. That's all well and good, but the Oklahoma Board of Tourism would like to remind you that there are several million relatives of somebody living within our borders, and they all need visiting.

One popular comment was that folks want to vacation someplace warm, with an ocean or some mountains. Oklahoma is pretty flat, but we do have oceans of grain everywhere. If you're looking for a tan, I'm sure no one would mind if you stripped down to your skivvies and stretched out by a field of winter wheat. And in the summer months, Oklahoma gets as hot and muggy as central Florida, so don't let the prospect of cold weather deter you.

Well, that's about it. Have fun and keep safe for now, and don't forget -- "it's funner and safer in Oklahoma!"