Melvin: Exactly what inspired the comeback of the Meatmen?

Tesco Vee: The comeback was basically precipitated by Stormin Norman, the maniac crazed guitar player of the Meatmen, who I was fortunate enough to hook up with. He had played with the Hate Police in some of their later incarnations. We decided to go back to using the Meatmen as the moniker because the crowd interest is much greater due to the historic value of the name or whatever you want to call it. At first, I really didnt want to do it, but I am glad I did--real glad. As long as I am here on the planet, there will be MEAT.

The return is not about the old crew. It is about the new crew. How many generations of teenagers have I gone through? Four or five? But it always feels good to look at a sea of kids, because Im up their just spouting the most irresponsible, over-the-top, out-of-control stuff. And their mouths are hanging open or theyre smiling.

M: Are you putting out a new album?

T: I am putting one out, but this time Im going to shop around, and see what kind of deal I can come up with. The Hate Police album might as well have been released in Zaire, because TCI didnt do any advertising for our promo. I still make mistakes. Dutch East India has been pressing "War of the Superbikes" completely without a contract in the most flagrant violation of copyright, but no entertainment lawyer will take my case because they won't sue the hand that feeds them. So Im fucked--its a bootleg. So Dutch East if you are reading this: You COCKSUCKERS! I'll see you in hell and I won't save an air conditioner.

M: How do you respond to the comments that you're like Ali in 1980, a mere shell of your former greatness?

T: This is by far the most exciting and dynamic line-up I have ever had. I may be a shell of my former self, but I know from watching videos that I am in the best shape of my life and I am going as manic as humanly possible even when it is 130 degrees in the club. If people think I am old and over the hill, so be it. But I am having the time of my life and I think we blow away most bands. I agree that my records are flawed--I will stand behind none of them--but this latest incarnation of the Meatmen must be seen live. I don't care what type of fuckin' music you want to listen to, if you want intensity, anger, hate, and unbridled antisocial commentary, there is no better place than at a Meatmen show.

M: Speaking of social commentary, what advice would you give to todays youth?

T: Buy a sense of humor. We have lost our ability to laugh. Everyone is bored, uptight and listless with no ambition, no drive and chalks it up to some hip, laconic, Sex Pistols on the dole, I am depressed and twenty-two kind of philosophy. What a bunch of crap. Each successive generation the twenty-somethings are on acid doing nothing. And all of the teen-somethings are just blowing each other away. As you can see, I am succeeding in my drive to degenerate society to its lowest possible level.

Which has nothing to do with the question you just asked. But basically, when you come to see the Meatmen you are entertained-- we have sight gags. It is sort of like Rip Taylor and Buddy Hacket meet. I hesitate to use the word punk because the Meatmen are more than a punk band. It goes beyond that.

M: What is your reaction to the commercialization of punk rock? Do you feel that your art has been degraded by the Henry Rollins of the world?

T: Well, I haven't devoted my life to being a rock star like Henry Rollins. So there is no real comparison. I am sure if I did 350 dates a year and shoved it down peoples throats, they would start to accept it on a mass level also. But I have way to much going on in my life to devote my entire existence to being trapped in a van with a bunch of guys. I enjoy it for a few weeks at a time.

M: What artists have you seen that have stuck to their guns?

T: Which ones are still worth talking about? D.O.A stuck to their guns, but does that make your dick hard?

M: So if you could dump four bands in a vat of acid to save the youth of today...?

T: Rollins is first. I wouldn't have said the Lunachicks until we played with them and they acted like bunch of stuck up cunts. So the Lunachicks could hop in right after Rollins. Rollins--I don't want to give that fucker any more press. "An Overrated Sack of Breeze" is my best quip about him. The Offspring can jump in right after the Lunachicks. We did a show with them at the 9:30 Club and they warmed us up. What a joke! And now you hear that whiny piece of shit they play everywhere.

M: Well thenºwhat kind of music do you like?

T: I have always been passionate about music, from this time I had this cathartic thing in the bathtub when I heard Sunshine of your Love by Cream. And from my Grand Funk live album. I have always have enjoyed the goonier side of music, like when the Dictators and all of the seventies glitter hit. Then when the punk thing hit I started doing the fanzine [Touch & Go]. The Meatmen were always just kind of a goof. We're the Meatmen and You Suck was recorded for $200 dollars and it has sold close to 100,000 copies, but what do ya wanna do? That is called money for nothing and the chicks for free. People in this generation are so spoiled because they can tune in a $400,000 dollar video on Mtv, but they have no idea what it takes to put on a GWAR or a Genitortures show or even a Meatmen show. A show like that is a lot more than four guys from North Carolina with stark green t-shirts playing college radio shit. We have a new song called "College Radio Loser" that I guarantee will be the sign-off song for every college radio station with a self-deprecating sense of humor.

M: Speaking of higher education, rumor has it you used to be a teacher.

T: Yeah, I was third grade for a year, then fifth grade for two more years and then I was a substitute. And then I left Michigan, came out East and became a telephone man.

M: How did you get a teaching job? I'm sure you didnt put the Meatmen on your resume?

T: Well, I started teaching in 1978, which would make some of my students 24 or 25 years old. I have never heard a person that professed to being one of my students. If there are any of them out there reading this, Mr. Vee, MR.VEE--that is all you need to know. Williamson class 1986-87--that is all you need to know. If any of them are out there, I would love to hear from you. I need to know that somebody has made it out of the abyss of that farm community.

M: Your teaching background is surprising, considering that youve been called homophobic, sexist...

T: Well, when you come see us live, you realize that the tongue is firmly embedded in cheek. I am a satirist. I am a story teller. I crawl into certain personas. I have a masters degree in English and I am DAMN good at it! People can't take everything at face value. If they do, they obviously get upset.

M: Do you feel alone in your crusade?

I do feel alone. But I still think that I have souls to save, like an old evil evangelist continuing to crusade the countryside. The new album is called Pope On A Rope, and we actually have resin-cast Pope on a rope pendants. I think religion is an emotional crutch for the spiritually bereft. What do you think about that?

M: Sounds pretty literary. What has kept you from becoming jaded?

T: Its funny--the exact opposite is happening. My peer group just gets fatter, balder and uglier. I try to hang out with people before they get married, have kids, and become dull. Even though I am married, have a big house in the burbs and have kids, I dont adhere to any conventional wisdom or lifestyle. I swear to God, all of the people in my neighborhood are a bunch of religious nuts! They see my house and think of the Adams Family. No matter what, I am surrounded by narrow-minded Republican dickheads. That is why I have to be Tesco Vee. There has to be a balance in nature. There must be evil to counteract all the good in these motherfuckers.